BOU

OVER-CANDID.

OUNCING Bess, discoursing free,
Owned, with wondrous meekness,
Just one fault (what could it be?)

One peculiar weakness;

She in candor must confess
Nature failed to send her
Woman's usual tenderness
Toward the other gender.
Foolish Bessie ! - thus to tell ;
Had she not confessed it,
Not a man who knows her well ¦
Ever would have guessed it!

66

NEVER TOO LATE TO MEND.

HERE, wife," said Will, “I pray you devote

Just half a minute to mend this coat,

Which a nail has chanced to rend."

"'T is ten o'clock!" said his drowsy mate. "I know," said Will, "it is rather late; But 't is never too late to mend '!"

Ο

AN EQUIVOCAL APOLOGY.

UOTH Madam Bas-bleu, “I hear you have said
Intellectual women are always your dread;

Now tell me, dear sir, is it true?"

66

"Why, yes," answered Tom, very likely I may Have made the remark, in a jocular way;

But then, on my honor, I did n't mean you!"

ON AN ILL-READ LAWYER.

N idle attorney besought a brother

AN

For something to read, some novel or other, That was really fresh and new.

"Take Chitty!" replied his legal friend,

"There is n't a book that I could lend Would prove more novel to you!"

ON A RECENT CLASSIC CONTROVERSY.

NAY, marvel not to see these scholars fight,

In brave disdain of certain scath and scar;

'Tis but the genuine old Hellenic spite,

"When Greek meets Greek, then comes the tug of war!"

ANOTHER.

Quoth David to Daniel, "Why is it these scholars
Abuse one another whenever they speak?"

Quoth Daniel to David, "It nat❜rally follers

Folks come to hard words if they meddle with Greek!"

You

LUCUS A NON.

OU 'll oft find in books, rather ancient than recent, A gap in the page marked with “cetera desunt,” By which you may commonly take it for granted The passage is wanting without being wanted; And may borrow, besides, a significant hint That desunt means simply not decent to print!

459

WHEN

A CANDID CANDIDATE.19

HEN John was contending (though sure to be beat)

In the annual race for the Governor's seat,

And a crusty old fellow remarked, to his face,

He was clearly too young for so lofty a place,

66

Perhaps so," said John; "but consider a minute; The objection will cease by the time I am in it!"

NEMO REPENTE TURPISSIMUS.

OB SAWYER to a man of law

ВОВ

Repeating once the Roman saw,

"Nemo repente -" and the rest,

Was answered thus: "Well, I protest,
However classic your quotation,
I do not see the application."

"T is plain enough," responded Sawyer:
"It takes three years to make a lawyer !

A

TOO CANDID BY HALF.

S Tom and his wife were discoursing one day
Of their several faults, in a bantering way,
Said she: "Though my wit you disparage,
'm sure, my dear husband, our friends will attest
This much, at the least, that my judgment is best."
Quoth Tom, "So they said at our marriage!"

CONJURGIUM NON CONJUGIUM.

DICK leads, it is known, with his vixenish wife,

In spite of their vows, such a turbulent life,

The social relation of Dick and his mate

Should surely be written The Conjurgal State !

CHEAP ENOUGH.

HEY 've a saying in Italy, pointed and terse,

That a pretty girl's smiles are the tears of the

purse;

"What matter?" says Charley. "Can diamonds be

cheap?

Let lovers be happy, though purses should weep!"

ON AN UGLY PERSON SITTING FOR A

DAGUERREOTYPE.

HERE Nature in her glass

the wanton elf

Sits gravely making faces at herself;

And, while she scans each clumsy feature o'er,
Repeats the blunders that she made before!

ON A FAMOUS WATER-SUIT.

My wonder is really boundless,

That among the queer cases we try,
A land-case should often be groundless,
And a water-case always be dry!

W

KISSING CASUISTRY.

HEN SARAH JANE, the moral Miss,
Declares 't is very wrong to kiss,
I'll bet a shilling I see through it;
The damsel, fairly understood,

Feels just as any Christian should,

She'd rather suffer wrong than do it!

TO A POETICAL CORRESPONDENT.

ROSE hints she is n't one of those

Who have the gift of writing prose;

But poetry is une autre chose,
And quite an easy thing to Rose !
As if an artist should decline,
For lack of skill, to paint a sign,
But, try him in the landscape line,
You'll find his genius quite divine!

ON A LONG-WINDED ORATOR.

THRE

HREE Parts compose a proper speech
(So wise Quintilian's maxims teach),
But LOQUAX never can get through,
In his orations, more than two.
He does n't stick at the "Beginning”;
His "Middle" comes as sure as sinning;
Indeed, the whole one might commend,
Could he contrive to make an "End!"